whatever

i dont even know why i have this.
do i really want any of you to know whats going on in my head.
im not too sure.

In my head

if you take a knife and cut me through
you might be ashamed to find
that inside I almost became like you.

thats all i have to say.

wow.

i remember during my junior year in college a friend told me that funerals were supposed to be a time of joy and happiness. This was because the soul of the deceased was being liberated from the earth and was going on to a much happier place. Maybe I'm selfish, or maybe I'm dumb...but no matter how hard i keep trying to convince myself of this I cant find happiness in all of this. What makes it even worse is that I know she is right.

but yea...

over my life i have heard and seen some horrible things.
nothing is worse than seeing a mother crying over her dead child.
nothing comes even close.

i lied, snow is NOT awesome

i forgot to make one more addition to it.

7) People can DIE because of it: sometimes you just can't handle having fun with a bit of snow on the road. its kind of cool to go fast on it and drift and stuff. other times you can skid, and laugh about it. its a shame when some skid and dont live to tell about it. RIP jm.

please be careful driving.

Snow is AWESOME!

ok...so today was pretty good. really didnt do much, but i did go to the mall with hw. and then got lost on the icey roads. good stuff!

but anyways...avani reddy requests that i write about snow. so i guess ill give my reasons why i think snow is awesome.

1) You can HIT people with it. I think snow is one of the few things someone can throw at somebody else without causing so much harm that it would hurt them badly, even if they got hit in the face. I see that getting hit by a snowball is like taking a shot to one's pride and that always means retaliation. i've never thrown a snowball at anyone without having them throw one back at me.
2) You can BUILD people with it. Arite, so snowmen really aren't people, but u kno wat...without snow we wouldnt have frosty the snowman. and without frosty the snowman life just wouldnt be the same. but yea, rain is pretty much worthless to build stuff with and hail doesnt really cut it since ur too busy picking up broken house parts to be building hailmen with.
3) You can HOUSE people with it. similar to building a snowman, one can build an igloo using snow. Igloos are cool because then you can pretend to be an eskimo or something. Being an eskimo is more fun than playing cowboys and indians because when i was little i was always the indian. crap, now that i think about it i still am...
4) You can ELATE people with it. there was nothing better in elementary/middle/high school than a snow day. nothing at all. maybe straight A's, but other than that...nothing. It was like christmas/hannukah/kwanzaa/diwali/etc. all wrapped up in one. Best feeling ever!
5) You can DEVASTATE people with it. You see...when you get snow everything slows down...especially traffic. when it snows you get those really long traffic jams and such where people take like 3 hours to go to work when it would normally take them like 30 minutes. that my friends is devastating. i cant imagine 3 hours in a car to go to work. worst 3 hours ever. unless u were starving or trapped or being hurt...that would suck even more. but yea, snow is an awesome force.
6) You can TRANSPORT people with it. Skiing/Snowboarding/Snowshoeing/and sledding are all only possible due to snow. Its easier to ride a sled down a hill than walk down it, which makes snow awesome for downhill transport. you are on your own if you are gonna try to walk up a snowy hill. i wouldnt wish such a challenge upon anyone.

arite, i can go on forever, but as you can all see - snow is awesome.

on a more serious note...ive noticed that some people think that when snow melts everything looks so new and fresh. i dunno bout that, i think everything looks depressing at that moment. getting used to something and then watching it disappear slowly never makes me happy.

When you are blind...you can't see.

Today i noticed that the majority of people use blogs for intelligent things like posting about things going on in the world and such. Then i read my entries and I learn that i just write about crap...period. So without further ado (is that how its spelled?)...here I go with more CRAP!.

i have learned far more about women's underwear the past week than i ever wanted to learn my entire life. thats all im gonna say on that topic...kinda creeps me out.

but anyways...nayiri has requested i write about happy bunnies. so i shall try.
...i have never seen a happy bunny in my life...except for the easter bunny, but thats another story. Every bunny i've encounteredd has been runnin away from my car...or ive been swerving away from it. It even seems to me that Rabbit in Winnie the Pooh was never really a happy being. he was always on Winnie's shit yellin' at him for this and that...speaking of bunnies...i wonder if they ever need to get a hair cut. it would be really wild to give a bunny a mohawk.

arite, nuff bout bunnies...sorry nayiri...i can't get too creative with that.

so much to do. between work and the few hours of sleep i get every night i still gotta watch some movies...hopefully go some places...and on and on...i dunno...ill write again soon because todays post is just garbage. hah.

Santa Doesn't Cut it anymore

usually around this time of year i get all pumped up for the holidays and stuff since u get to see all the lights and bright colors everywhere. to those that havent noticed, i have a thing for many colors...they always mesmerize me. but back to the topic on hand.

when i was growing up santa was this awesome force...you kno kind of like Superman and Batman put together. He would have superman powers with all his flying antics and whatnot and like Batman Santa would have the best ride around. But on top of that Santa would always be decked out with all the toys ever and he'd have reindeers pull his sled around...especially tha supernatural red nose freak Rudolph/ Rudolf ... however u spell it. and best of all flying reindeers are the coolest, maybe i can find one on ebay.

but yea...then once you learn that santa claus lives in the same place as the tooth fairy, which is NOWHERE, that excitement turned into apathy for me. i felt like an idiot for staying up all night and listening for footsteps and all that good stuff. now that i think about it, i was dumb anyways cause we never had a christmas tree or a chimney so santa wouldnt have had a spot for the presents. i wonder how the little kids without chimneys expect him to get into their house...

anyways...that brings me to today. finally christmas isnt at all about santa for me anymore. (Santa and presents can be interchanged since they are supposed to go hand in hand). ill just be happy staring at the lights and assorted colors and hangin out with friends. Oh yea, movies about santa and frosty and all that are still cool. nothin seems to beat nostalgia, but yea, thats pretty much wat its become.

but you kno wat, ill prolly be tellin my kids one day that santa brings em presents. one thing ive learned is that its OK to believe in a lie as long as it makes you a better person for doing so. sometimes you gotta believe a lie to move on.